Me an' RJ an' the kids was on a camp-out in the
mountains, and we had us one'a them U-Drive-'Em
Army Jeep cars which we rented from a fella by the
name of Kubozke for thirty bucks a day, buy your
gas along the way, take a rabbit's foot and leave
a pint of blood for a dee-posit.
And he 'splained it all to us how we was supposed
to get to Telluride, which is fifty miles away by
way of the regular highway, however, there was a
shortcut but unless we had drove the Black Bear
Road before, we'd better be off to stay, stay in
bed and sleep late. (Pay no attention to the gitar
there.)
Well, we took up off'n the highway and we come
upon a sign says \"Black Bear Road. You don't have
to be crazy to drive this road, but it helps.\" I
says, \"RJ, this must the shortcut road Kubozke
was talkin' about.\" She didn't pay no mind,
'cause she was makin' peanut butter sandwiches for
the kids in the back seat throwin' rocks and
drinkin' Kool-Aid and playin'
count-the-license-plates. But they wasn't havin'
too much fun a-countin' license plate or cars,
'cause there weren't no other cars.
We went about a mile-and-a-half in about four
hours, busted off the right front fender, tore a
hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall
closet. Went over a bump and spilt the Kool-Aid
and Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife right through
the convertible top and the dog threw up all over
the back seat. Peanut butter don't agree with him,
you see.
So we had to stop and take off the top and air
everything out and clean it up. The dog run off
and RJ says she felt her asthma comin' on. I was
sittin' there wonderin' what to do when the
en-tire scenic San Joo-wan U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep
car sank in the mud. At thirteen thousand feet
above sea level.
Well, we shoveled it out and ate our lunch, the
dog made a yellow hole in the snow and Roy Gene
got out his Instamatic and took a snapshot of it.
Mary Elizabeth drawed a picture of the road; it
looked like a whole bunch a' Zs and Ws all strung
together. And RJ took one look at it and said that
the only way that Jeep car is goin' down that road
is over her dead body. Then a rock slipped out
from under the wheel and the U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep
car went right over the edge of the cliff.
Yahoo-oo-oo-oo!
\"Doggone-it, Roy Gene! How many times do I have
to 'splain it to you? When I tell you to put a
rock under the wheel, I mean rock! Now look at
that, what you have there is no bigger'n a
grapefruit.\"